I am a big fan of mythologies. I grew up
listening to stories from the Hindu mythology told by my dad, uncle and aunt.
Then my dad gave me a book called “Balakathamaalika” (in Malayalam), which had
Greek, Egyptian and numerous other mythological stories. I read about Jason and
the Argonauts, Hercules, Ra, Thor, Charlemagne, Lancelot and King Arthur for
the first time in that book and became fascinated. I still have that book and sometimes read it to my
sons.
I must reiterate here that I totally love
myths; myths that tell the “stories” of men with supernatural powers, and of
course supernatural beings. Most of these stories are from ancient times, hundreds or
thousands of years old, passed down from generation to generation.
My beef, however, is with the recent myths –
Hindu myths - that are propagated as facts. Hindu mythology, it appears, is
still evolving. I am not sure whether this process started with the advent of
the Hindu right government or whether this was behind the rise of the right
into power. The problem with this new myth creation is that it appears full of
bovine excrement, unlike the ancient stories written by people with great
imagination for that time.
Every once in a while you get a forwarded
message of how something great was done by a Hindu sage zillions of years ago and
how everybody got up and bowed, etc. These mythmakers are also obsessed with the
NASA, for some reason, as if it gives the story some legitimacy.
Some of the stuff I found interesting:
NASA recorded the sound of the sun and it
is the great mantra Aum, says a YouTube video with an American-sounding
voiceover. For one, NASA didn’t record the sound of the sun. Some scientists at
the University of Sheffield recreated the sound by turning some visible
vibrations into sound and speeding up the frequency. And it doesn't sound like Aum. It sounds more like a
wet fart passing through a stringed instrument (sound of the sun.)
There is a guy called Dr. Gopalakrishnan,
who is apparently some big-time scientist who taught the sahib a thing or two about
something. He says things like the Vedas were made a UNESCO World Heritage,
whereas the Bible and Quran are not. Deceptive half-truths, but gulped down by
his fans as absolute truths. Some 30 Rigveda manuscripts were accepted into the
“UNESCO Memory of the World Register” (note the difference in name), which has numerous other
such entries including the Convict Records of Australia and the Communist
Manifesto, not to mention biblical or Qur’anic items. This venerable Dr. is also obsessed with
NASA. In a speech, he talks about a visit he made to the NASA, where he saw, “with
his own eyes,” every American space scientist listening to Vedic chanting while
working. Can’t argue with that, can you? Personally saw thousands and thousands
of American scientists listening to Vedic chants. Probably the rap version, sung
by Tupac Shakur; after he died.
Then there is Cap’n Bodas, who was cited in
an earlier blog here(ancient Indian air travel), and his interplanetary machines, which were presented to the
world at the Indian Science Congress. The book the Cap'n cites is probably
written in the 20th century. There are some funny videos out there,
with the customary American voiceover, which are quite detailed. So, it must be
pretty easy for one of these “vedic engineers” to cobble together a flying machine based on that material. It even says what the pilot should be eating! I
am waiting.
Another one I received recently was how
Edison went all the way to England to get Max Mueller to blab for his first gramophone
recording. Sailing across the Atlantic for a recording! Pretty routine thing for those days, I presume.
“Hey, Max, want to say some bullshit into
this contraption I made?”
“Yeah, why not? Why don’t you get on the next boat and
hop over Ed?”
So Edison went across the Atlantic to Max who spoke the first
verse of the Rig Veda in praise of Agni, in Sanskrit. At the end of it all,
the entire audience stood up as a mark of respect to the ancient Indian sages. And, probably
also because their asses were burning as Max screwed up in invoking Agni,
who set their seats on fire. It was a rigged veda show, because Edison’s first
recording was some shouting and Mary had a frikkin li’l lamb.
Why do they come up with this bullshit
stories? As a country, we have enough to be proud of and enough to be ashamed
of too. Why do they want to build this false sense of great pride in some
mythological stories and plain stupidities by portraying them as science? I have no idea, but anyway thought I will do some myth-busting.
Stay with me for a few more lines. This is
important for me. I am worried about the beef issue in this country. I like my beef. I
have tasted the best beef in the world. Kobe, Matsuzaka, Kuroge wagyu,
and Angus. I have had Brazilian churrasco and also the fibrous chewy beef from cattle
that walked all the way from Pollachi in Tamil Nadu to Kerala. So as a
beefeater it worries me that I might not be able to do so here in the future.
While thinking about it I checked out how
cows evolved. I learned that all cattle are descendants of a few animals
domesticated from wild ox (aurochs) 10,500 years ago. What we have here in
India is mostly Bos taurus indicus, which at some point of time became holy. Then
this thought struck me –“Do the other species qualify as sacred cows?” Y’know,
a Holstein or a Jersey? So, I googled and hit pay dirt instantaneously. They
are not sacred! Eureka! Only the Bos taurus indicus is sacred! Says da bovine man Shankar Lal, who is the president of the Akhil Bharathiya Gau Sewa.
Here are couple of links.
As per him saatvik (virtuous) Indian cows
can reduce crime, reform convicts, prevent evil thoughts, etc. whereas milk
from, say, a Jersey cow has devil in it and has poisonous particles that
make you think impure thoughts resulting in increased crimes. Whoa!, and all along we thought it was the guys drinking alcohol who were committing crimes. It was the milk drinkers. (Nothing related, but reminds me of the Ghost who Walks ordering milk at bars, and the stoopid Kerala government which has shut down the bars here).
Shankar Lalji is planning to build cowsheds in
schools, conduct exams and courses on cows, a university to study cow science
and do Gau Kathas in temples.
“Holy Cow!” I thought. Not because he was
doing these things, but because I suddenly saw a way out of the beef conundrum we are in
now. If Jersey and other species of cows are impure and are not considered as
cows (not by me, mind you, but by Mr. Shankar Lal), there ought to be no problem in killing
them for meat. It is just like chicken. Another animal that can be eaten. To be
frank, these foreign species are more meaty and succulent than the bony Bos
taurus indicus. I hope we can import more Jersey cows and other varieties and
sell them as Jersey meat. Everybody, including me and the crazy beef fest
holding bozos in Kerala, can breathe easily now. Problem solved. Brilliant. Wow, I won't be able to sleep today. Thanks Shankar Lalji.
