Bunch of Stupid Thoughts and a Samadhi Story

We are already into February in 2025, which means a reasonable amount of time has passed for me to break my New Year’s resolution. My resolution was to stop having stupid thoughts, and, even if I have such thoughts, not to publicly air them.

Well, I succeeded for a month. Then, things changed. Supreme leader’s phrend DoLund (Two Dick) Tramp became El presidento of Yankee Land, or the real Viswaguru* country. The richest person in the world spent $290 million (about 2,500 crore rupees) to get his man in power. Not a bad purchase. MAGA, which should be MAWA (Make America White Again), won. The token Indian, Vivek, was thrown under the bus. He did say that Americans were stupid to their face.

Things have indeed changed. For instance, over the last decade, the middle-class and poor people around the world have come to the conclusion that businessmen should have first access to everything and should own politicians or be de facto rulers. Then, these businessmen magnanimously will let the milk and honey trickle down to them. You can see that in India too. Businessmen can get land at cheap prices, have airports for private use, get politicians to cut deals for them in other countries, etc. It’s even better for religious people (i.e. if you’re from the right religion)—they get everything for free.

It is democracy in action, with religion providing the special effects. Though we are not Viswaguru like the U.S. in terms of global leadership and power, there is one area where we can claim Viswaguru status. And, that is our form of democracy. Our unique “resort politics” was recently featured in New York Times. This is something we can export to “demo crazies” around the world. If DoLund had succeeded (he tried something similar) in doing this in 2020, he could have had two consecutive terms. Another thing is owning the judiciary. DoLund’s team has something called Project 2025, which aims, among other things, to fill up the government and judiciary with Christian conservatives. They should learn that also from India, where something similar has already been achieved. It is even better in India because the media is also entirely subservient. Will DoLund succeed in his endeavour to copy us?

Another thing we have learned recently was that empathy, on the whole, is overrated. Empathy is a sign of weakness. What people crave for are tough, strong pappa figures. When DoLund took charge recently, Mel Gibson said "It’s like daddy arrived and he’s taking his belt off”. This is true around the world. Daddies instilling discipline with their belts. In fact, this has been the norm in most Asian countries. Even the mommies who ruled had Daddies’ belts in their hands. Many Indians feel that the Indian daddy (supreme leader) should learn from daddies in China, the Middle East, and elsewhere as to how to use the belt efficiently to keep everyone in line. He is trying.

I remember two cousins, much elder to me, who used to run away from their home whenever their dad, a military man, came home on leave. The dad, so the story goes, will have his belt in his hand by the time he reaches his home from the railway station. Ready to whip the guys.

My dad, on the other hand, never really whipped us. That may be the reason I get these bunch of stupid thoughts. I was given a beating only twice. Once, maybe when I was about 10, for hitting my younger sis. I must have tapped her on the head or something and she screamed as if an asteroid hit her.

And then, in my early teens. For lying.

Dad: Where were you?

Me: At school.

Left jab, right hook, knockout. Disabled aunt jumps in between. Disabled aunt flies off to the sofa.

Dad: Where were you?

Me: Sreekumar Theatre.

Dad: Good. Don’t lie.

And that was it.

Couple of years later, when he asked something like this, we, my bro and I, were prepared and gave the proper answers.

Dad: Do you smoke?

Me & Bro: Yes.

I am digressing. Empathy, from what I gather, should be limited to a group you prefer and, of course, to the rich. For example, DoLund is getting rid of DEI, or Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion, which is a form of empathy. Instead, he is appointing people based on his own DEI policy—Dumb, Empty-headed, and Idiotic. He is also appointing his kids’ wives, ex-girlfriends, and in-laws as party chiefs, ambassadors, and stuff. As the saying goes, “Daddies with belts know the best”.

 

Samadhi Story

There was this news recently in Kerala about a person who did samadhi as per his sons and other family members. That reminded me of the time I thought my dad was thinking of samadhi. More than a decade ago, my dad was in the ICU in Trivandrum Medical College. I was sitting outside the ICU, when the doctor came out and called me. A soft-spoken, nice lady, she asked me if I was the son, and I nodded affirmatively. She said my dad was trying to pull off the tubes and stuff going into his body and was being difficult and wanted me to come and talk to him. So, I went in and talked to him. He said he didn’t want to lie around with tubes and stuff. “Let me go,” he said. I told him it was not possible and that he was being unreasonable towards the doctors and staff. He understood and let the tubes remain in place. He was an andolan jeevi (or, protestor, in current supreme leader’s words) all his life. He did andolan to kick out the king. He did andolan when the Bunch of Thoughts guy came to Trivandrum. He survived a deadly infection as a child, a stabbing (from behind) as a youth, was beaten to pulp by the police during one of his andolans for his fellow human beings, and survived many major operations. He wanted to die walking, and I could understand his desire to be not seen in such a helpless position. Anyway, he gave up his demand for samadhi and even managed to show a raised, clenched fist to two youths from his andolan group who had managed to sneak in. Fortunately for him, he passed away later that evening. Daddy without a belt. Daddy with empathy towards other human beings.

 

 

*Viswaguru: Reason US is Viswaguru: The supreme leader’s most preferred state in India is one of the largest sources of illegal migration to the US.

 

My Beef with Laddu, Interactions with Supernatural Beings, and why Trump

  As an Aadhaar card-carrying mallu, I have an intimate relationship with beef. So, when I heard there were laddus infused with beef tallow in certain temples, I was a bit surprised and immediately wanted to try that. But I think I’ll have to wait, because as of now nobody knows if that story is true. Continuing with the obsessions of Aadhaar card-carrying mallus, one thing we all like is our tipple, accompanied in most cases by beef in its various incarnations such as beef fry, beef dry fry, beef double fry, beef roast, and chili beef. The epicurean* delights accompanying alcohol are almost always savoury, never sweet. There was one guy though, back in my college days, who was an exception. Let’s call him Thyagarajan II for now (because he resembles the Tamil actor Thyagarajan). He was the strongest guy around and was built like a bull. And, he was the only mallu I ever saw who had laddus as accompaniment for alcohol. Of course, being a mallu, he will also have the beef. Beef with laddus to accompany Old Monk rum. So, what I’m saying is that beef and laddus are not incompatible as the reports suggest. There have been precedents.

  My beef with laddu is that I also have a sweet tooth and can’t keep my hands off if there are laddus around. Same with beef. However, with each passing year my uric acid levels and my HbA1c levels are nearing danger levels, forcing me to cut down on three important items in a middle-aged mallu man’s life—alcohol, beef, and laddu.

  Usually, when faced with such difficulties, many people try to get in contact with supernatural beings, which is what our Chief Justice also did. He apparently calls god and asks for solutions in such situations. Not me. For some reasons, from around the age of 12 or 13, I had been interacting with the devil**. Or at least I think it is the devil. I don’t know if my mind was idle at that age as in the biblical saying “an idle mind is the devil’s workshop”. I was definitely curious and inquisitive and used to make funny remarks about gods to my mom. Probably because I came out of her womb, she didn’t get the rakshaks of the faith to lynch me.

  Anyway, when I heard that the Chief Court Dude interacted with a supernatural being (or was it a non-biological being?), I wanted to know the details. We, however, should be careful when we talk of court dudes, because these are people who can do suo motu stuff (means real bad stuff) if they don’t like something. Looking at the news reports, it is not clear which specific being he talked to or what advice was offered. So, I am trying to imagine how it works. Considering his religion and its billion adherents, I have a feeling that he got a recorded message at first like in those American banks. “All lines are busy right now. Please hold the line while we connect you to a representative. Your call may be recorded for security reasons.” This might have been followed by slow sitar music. Eventually somebody must have come on the line and given him some gyaan (advice). That triggers further questions in my mind (oh, that devil again). What if it was a junior god and what if he didn’t like the gyaan that was offered? Would court dude have asked to speak to a supervisor god? Did he eventually get to speak to the supreme-est being, whoever it is? What if it was Zeus or Ra instead of your dude? From what I gather, the being was probably not in a good mood and told the court dude to “bleep justice” and he took it literally. Given all the motu motu things such people can do, we will stop pursuing this line of thinking here and move on to America.

  Over the past few months, I had the opportunity to travel to fake Viswaguru country and real Viswaguru country. The former is my homeland where I took my family, because, like any mawkish Aadhaar card-carrying mallu, I wanted my kids to maintain the connection to their roots. Within a few days, I was brimming with pride. I was in my bed when I overheard the boys, who were in the next room, addressing each other with the word for pubic hair, as in “nee neengi kida bleep,” or “you move, bleep”. After a brief sojourn, we returned back to Japan and then I left with my first-born to the real Viswaguru country, or the USA. When you go around that country, you understand why it attracts a lot of people. Everything is big. Big houses, big cars, big roads, big pizzas, big drinks, big people. Apparently, 10 people from fake Viswaguru country try to enter the real Viswaguru country illegally every hour, of which five are from Gujarat, says Times of India. Now, the US is having a big election with a woman who is half Indian running against an orange-coloured man. My gut feeling says that Indians would break for Mr. Orange and ditch the woman. More than the committed MAGA Indians (full-fledged bhakths), the difference will come from people of Indian origin who identify as “I’m-not-MAGA-but” people. They are the extension of the “I’m-not-a-bhakth-but” people you find in India. They know their paw-paw’s support is for his phrend Do Lund, who will spank bad brown people they don’t like. That’s the only criterion. It doesn’t matter they themselves are brown. The key phrase here is “don’t like,” or hate. That’s the driving force. The longer you live, the more you realize that fact. I’m an example. The other day I was in Shibuya, a popular tourist destination in Tokyo, and was repelled by the uncouth foreigners there. So, given the general trend around the world, the same scenario will play out across Europe also sooner rather than later. Big daddies will start deporting brown and black people back home. That, incidentally, could include some 725,000 unauthorized Indians in the US and even more in European countries, from the look of it. Interesting times ahead.

 

* From Epicurus, a Greek philosopher, known for his trilemma below.

“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.

 Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.

 Is God both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?

 Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?”

** The devil, in my opinion, is a reasonable option as a supernatural being. There’s no “I’m the only devil there is and if you don’t follow me, I’ll kill you” kinda threats. Also, there are no zealous followers trying to decapitate you if you say anything against the devil.