Unkils and Jenjis

I was in GOC (God’s Own whateva) a couple of months ago when there was a big protest in the country by a group that many people call Gen Z. This group also goes under the name Jenji, mostly in North India, and Jensi, mostly in Malluland because mallus don’t do the letter z. Well, Gen Z refers to young people in the 14/15 to 29/30 age group. Then, there was another group, which I call unkils (essentially WhatsApp uncles). Unkils, in my initial definition, covered only men in the broad age-group from about 45 all the way up to 90 or even 100. Unkils have truckloads of chips on their shoulders. Later on, I realized that a vast majority of women and even some younger people also satisfy the unkil criteria. So, even if you are only 38, like a bank guy I met while in GOC who thinks that the end justifies the means, you could be an unkil.

I, on the other hand, am often called a pseudo-intellectual. I think it is an apt moniker for me. Technically, though age-wise I fall in the unkil category, I consider myself Gen Alpha, a group that is younger than Jenji. You see, my brain stopped growing when I was around fourteen, just couple of years into my teens. I had become a full-fledged atheist by then, and like most teenagers, I realized that I knew everything that is there to know and turned into a pseudo-intellectual. Since then, my primary pastime has been to sit and bloviate about everything under the sun.

So, today’s topic is the Jenji protests and unkil reactions to it. The Jenjis were protesting against the government for something. What Jenji doesn’t know and unkils know is that the government can do pretty much anything it wants to do. It can rig elections, arrest people, kill judges, own all media, buy entire political parties, or even eliminate pesky protestors if it wishes to do so. Unkils mostly appreciate that (as long as they are not targeted). Unkils don’t have a problem if an election is stolen or a vast majority is disenfranchised, because unkils know democracy is a sham, just like universal human rights.

Anyway, let’s take a look at a typical unkil, a guy named T G Mohandas. Unlike me, he is a real intellectual. At the same time, he is also just a good fart away from a prolapsed disc. You feed him some chana bhatura and he would end up with a schlepped back. The man, however, dreams of killing those protesting against the government.

(Unkil on how to handle Jenji)

Some people might think it is a bit extreme, but you look around and you see unkils, including many of your friends and relatives, all nodding in agreement. Imagine him with an AK47, firing the 33 rounds at kids. By the time he is done, all his vertebrae would have dislodged, and he’d collapse to the ground like a blob. He would end up like one of those squishy toys that whistle when pressed as air comes out of his posterior orifice.

Yet the man wants to kill. He also would like to see the young girls at such protests forcefully deflowered because he thinks they like it. He, personally, won’t be able to do any deflowering, because, as we know, he is now a frikkin’ blob on the ground whistling out farts.

Apparently, Jenji is out there protesting again today, October 2, for some guy’s resignation, but the government always wins as it has all the money and has a system already in place to ensure its win regardless of the personnel in charge.

One thing most governments are good at is creating distractions (a tactic that I fully approve of) to make the people forget about the shithole they’re in. It’s a purely altruistic move aimed at ensuring the mental well-being of the populace. So, as it happens, with the stock market down and the rupee falling, and with Jenji on the streets and all, the regime now wants people to sing the national song, all six stanzas of it. I think it is a good idea. In fact, people should sing all the five stanzas of the national anthem too, without teleprompters or smartphones. So, if you add up all these stanzas you will get about 10 minutes of singing, which should be made mandatory at all public functions.

(Unkil singing song)

Other countries, who even otherwise were totally in awe of the cultural refinement we have achieved, would now go batshit crazy and try to add crap to their national anthems. John Oliver, the comedian, talked recently about one of his shows that bombed because he had to perform after a guy called Mr. Methane, whose act was farting the national anthem (UK) into the microphone. Imagine doing that for 10 minutes. Let’s hope we do not go in that direction.

P.S. There’s hope. AI is going to be mankind’s salvation. If unkils can keep feeding their hatred and other murderous instincts to the AI engines, hopefully they’ll fight each other and, in the process, incinerate all the miserable unkils, jenjis, jenalphas, and every other m##### bleeper (as used by Samuel L. Jackson) in the world.