Showing posts with label Metro. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Metro. Show all posts

Sunday, 26 October 2014

Had Enough of Monorail, Now Suck on Some Light Rail


Three years ago, people in Trivandrum (and Calicut) were thrown a bone by the Chief Dream Merchant (CdM), which we all lapped up (see Monorail for Tvm, 2011). The Railway God had appeared to him (maybe in his dream – him being the dream merchant – or maybe in person; nobody knows) and said a monorail is what these people need.

Lo and behold, there were colorful images of monorails in all newspapers warming the cockles and other unmentionable parts of Trivandrumites. We were glad that the Lord upgraded us from MEMU trains and buses to this modern contraption. Soon, the coffers of DMRC, the temple trust looking after the Lord’s interests, began filling up with consultancy offerings. DPRs (not related to DPR Korea) were prepared, alignments were marked, and historical buildings were threatened – all in paper. People were given controlled doses of euphoria-generating news featuring unauthorized copies of monorail pictures from the web, which kept them baying for more.

But this God is a playful one. He likes to toy with his devotees. And so it came to pass after three years – no, not the monorail, but the reappearance of the Lord. He suddenly revealed himself again, appearing through the monorail woodwork, to the CdM, and said, “#$%! monorail. I’ll upgrade them to a light metro rail, whatever that is”. The CdM said, “Thy wish is my command. I’ll immediately convey it to the suckers. They’ll be grateful to you for not smiting them”. Both of them sneaked a peek at the consultancy coffer and laughed maniacally (ref: Consultancy fees to DMRC).

The people were happy that their prayers and offerings have “paid off”, just like with the other gods. In the meantime, unbeknownst to man, the Lord has different plans, which he revealed to the CdM (and to me). Three years from now he plans to upgrade the plan to a full-fledged metro. And in 2020, it’ll be upgraded to a subterranean maglev bullet train, and in 2023 he will smite us all because a few of us will sin by not going orgasmic about the newest plan. The Lord moves in mysterious tracks! So, beware! You might get run over!
 
 

Monday, 25 June 2012

Trivandrum Monorail – “To be or not to be a Paara”


When god speaketh, man shuts the f$@k up-eth. That is the norm. But unbeknownst to god, there are a set of people called rationalists who ask for logical, plausible explanations. These people raise uncomfortable questions, which usually bring any discussion to an abrupt end with, “that is our belief, you can’t question that.”
Recently, railway god E. Sreedharan spake and spake and spake a lot to his devotee chief minister. And then he spake and spake some more.  And everybody bowed and prayed. He spake about the wisdom of building a monorail for a growing city like my hometown. And, everybody nodded in agreement, “sorry lord, we forgot your advice on widening the roads in Trivandrum and using the existing railway tracks and buses. A thousand apologies.”
The railway god apparently had no recollection of ever saying such things. Do gods get dementia? He now wants to build something bigger and better than a monorail. A metro, perhaps, as the city is growing. On the other hand, I guess Calicut only needs a monorail as it won’t grow. What about the other two cities “larger” than Trivandrum? Malappuram, if you believe the stats, is the Shenzhen of India – growing from a hundred thousand to a million and a half in a few years. At this rate, it could be a megalopolis pretty soon. Obviously, the people there deserve a modern “maglev”. We are yet to hear god’s thoughts on that.
This god-speak, however, raised alarms. And surprise of surprise, a dissenting voice came from the devotee group itself. Mr. M. A. Vahid, a ruling party MLA, boldly came out as an atheist and suggested, without naming names, that somebody is trying to torpedo the project. There were some mute denials from the government. And I patted my back for predicting this – see Did you just Wink? 

To be or not to be a paara, that is the question on the railway god’s mind now (paara, പാര is a Malayalam word used to describe someone who slyly tries to #$ck up something). He definitely seems to have an axe to grind as far as Trivandrum is concerned. I could never understand the deification of this guy (or anyone for that matter). He didn’t invent or create anything from scratch. He used existing technologies and equipment to build something for which a blueprint has been in existence for 150 years. The world’s first frikkin' metro started running in London in 1863, for (railway) god's sake! The Delhi metro is reasonably good and he should be complemented for good administration and execution of a project. An Indian world-class, if you may, like the Trivandrum “world-class” International Airport or the CWG village, (see Our Standards) which are a big improvement on existing facilities. That’s about it.
In the meantime, the stink continues in Trivandrum, with our Mayor-ess Ms. Moonlight and our MP Mr. Moon Tha Roor throwing muck at each other. Interesting times ahead.

Sunday, 11 March 2012

Gateways, Monorail, Tender, Amakudari

Over the past few years, there was one thing that struck me while going around Trivandrum. Our obsession with gateways, and I have been trying to guess the reason for this obsession.
I remember my mom’s ancestral house in rural Trivandrum which had a small gateway –the kottiyambalam- built onto the compound wall. Nothing fancy - just a simple door with a wooden bolt opening out to a small ledge with places to sit on both sides, and steps leading down outside to the pathway and the railway track about 50 feet away. As kids, we cousins used to sit there and wave at passing trains and then as teenagers we sat there and smoked and drank. Sadly, the kottiyambalam is just a memory now. In its place, rather near where it stood, stands a regular iron gate stuck in a concrete wall (which replaced the mud kayyala). The kottiyambalam as such is experiencing a revival in Kerala with rich blokes incorporating it in their designer homes. But, I am not talking about those gateways.
I am talking about the gateways that are there or are being built at the entrances of government buildings such as hospitals or this or that directorate. There is one being built in front of the Corporation Office, two in the General Hospital and one at the entrance to the Eye Hospital. Then there are the existing ones like the one at the Medical College entrance, the DME office, the Science and Technology Museum. There is one thing common to all these. These are all equally ugly, serve no purpose and are a colossal waste of money.  Well, at least that was my initial reaction. Then on deeper analysis I regretted doubting our government. Guess what? The government has a vast checklist of priority stuff, which it goes through before making any such spending decisions. It roughly looks like the following:
       Item         Status
          Poverty                  Alleviated
          Roads                    Built
          Schools                 Constructed (some even have pools during monsoon)
          Water                    Supplied
          Garbage                Removed
          Healthcare            Universal (the general wards in the aforementioned General
                                        Hospital even have some
broken toilets!)
          Criminal gangs      Wiped out
          Crime                    Unheard of (ever since said gangs were wiped out)
          Corruption             Being institutionalized (oops!)
And the list goes on and on.
The government honchos poured over this checklist and saw that everything was good. “OK guys, now since everything seems to be taken care of let’s use the spare money to build some gateways. Y’know, concrete, fake traditional stuff and use colours that are in vogue now among mallus –pink, parrot green,” they decreed and lo, we have gateways.
P.S. The monorail saga continues – Recently the railway god paid a visit to the Calicut monorail site and gave his approval. He said it was viable in Kozhikode and probably agreed with the government proposal for a global tender. It warmed the cockles of my heart and made it tender. He is ready to give approval to any two-bit town that needs a monorail as long as there is a global tender. I am not saying that Calicut is a two-bit town. It’s every bit an 8084, 8-bit town like the other two “huge” cities in Kerala.  I’m digressing. The point is about the global tender. Here was a man who just a few weeks ago bullied and blackmailed the government against a global tender for a metro. He said the metro would get JICA funding only if it went through him. Nobody asked anything. The media, the politicians, the academicians, no one. Zip, nada. Why was that? What if, say, Hitachi had won the bid? Would JICA have refused? I don’t think so. Still, there is an explanation for his actions.
Japan, despite the overall good image, is not that transparent in many of its dealings. It is not corrupt in the way we experience it here. A common man need not bribe a government official to get a certificate or some such thing in 99.9% of the cases. Corruption there is more at the higher end, institutionalized and subtle. Companies and government are all in it together. Bids are rigged. Everything is shared. Everyone is happy. Worked for quite a long time too, but has run into trouble with globalization. There is a practice called Amakudari in Japan where senior bureaucrats join private companies after retirement. Gratitude for favours received. This is the word that popped up in my mind when I read his threat on not receiving funding from JICA. Here is a powerful retired guy in a private position and the Japanese could relate to that.
And, for him, he got what he wanted for his former company and didn’t care one way or the other about global tenders for other stuff. Stuff he is not interested in. The worrying factor for me here is the total lack of spine from anyone in questioning some of the things he said including the double standards in global tender. He is definitely a rare specimen in our country (people like him are dime-a-dozen in any reasonably well-run democratic country including Japan), did some great things and deserves the accolades, but that doesn’t mean everything he says is sacrosanct. His comments (or at least stuff that the media have attributed to him) related to the maglev and high-speed trains are ridiculous to say the least. He is for building the high-speed rail and said that Japan will give its 700-series shinkansen to Kerala. Of course they’ll give it. And you’ll pay for it with the money they lend you so that their corporations stay afloat while you drown in debt for eternity. All for the benefit of a few rich people who may or may not travel in such trains.  Incidentally, Japan built its first bullet train line between Tokyo and Osaka, which are Intel Core i7, 64-bit cities unlike our 8-bit ones. Ideally, the left should have questioned this absurd idea, but they don’t want to be seen as anti-development, it seems. They appear to have lost their you-know-what somewhere and they are not even aware of it.