Random Ramblings

My ancestor was a rishi and not some ape as I believed all along. This I learned during a visit to GOC for vacation a few months ago. I should thank the honorable MP Satyapal Singh (former HRD minister who used to be responsible for higher education) for opening my eyes. One good thing about me is that I am the questioning type. So, when Mr. Singh said this in the Indian parliament, I immediately decided to do some research of my own. That’s how I am. I don’t blindly believe something when someone tells it, unless of course it comes through WhatsApp asking for "maximum share" or from some website which has words such as “true” or “right” in its name. Then I instinctively know it is true.

The rishi thing turned out to be a pretty watertight theory. Rishis, as we all know, can do anything they want. For instance, they can impregnate pretty damsels with their minds. That’s what I reasoned, because visualizing the other option of rishis fornicating with damsels, which my pervert mind did imagine for a brief period, seemed blasphemous. So, I tried to wipe that image out of my mind and replace it with a rishi getting a lady pregnant just by thinking. #$%&, I can’t get rid of that. A Baba Ramdev-ish rishi having coitus with a damsel, hairs and bodies tangled and stuck together like Velcro, sound of conchs breaking and Acharya Balakrishna complaining of giddiness in the background. “Oh, rishis, forgive me. Don’t curse me. I have no control over my thoughts”.

Anyway, with that doubt about my ancestry settled, I went to sleep, sound in the knowledge that I have gained new old wisdom. Next morning, while washing my face I saw my reflection in the mirror, and wondered how frikkin ugly my ancestral rishi would have been (on the premise that rishis impregnate only pretty damsels).

Thank you, former HRD minister.

The exceptional thing regarding HRD ministers of late is that they’re a treasure trove of ancient wisdom. The new minister Mr. Pokhriyal, recently enlightened some misguided IIT students on how our ancestors built the Rama Setu sea bridge with ancient technology. I hope the IIT curriculum will be changed and kids taught these ancient methods instead of modern stupid engineering.

Speaking of education, I’m appalled that the government is straying from its stated aim of bringing back our ancient wisdom in all realms. Recently, the government offered bridge courses for AYUSH (Ayurveda, Yoga & Naturopathy, Unani, Siddha and Homoeopathy) people to practice modern medicine. Suddenly, a whole bunch of doctors started protesting. I feel these are the wrong docs barking up wrong trees. The government, if it were to follow its own policy, should be offering bridge courses to modern medicine practitioners so that they can use AYUSH remedies. In that way, slowly we can ease out the cancer of modern medicine gnawing away at our nation’s health. There is still time, and we did see some positive signs with the budget papers being brought to the parliament in sacred cloth and all. Next up, no budget papers. Let’s hope next time it’ll be in good old palm leaves and delivered in a chariot.

Continuing with the theme of education, ideas are being floated to change the names of universities to reflect the current mood of the nation. Like changing JNU to MNU (dunno what it stands for except that the name involves Modiji). I think it is OK and any government should be able to change names as they please. The Film and Television Institute of India (FTII), for example, could be renamed as NAMUNA (NArendra Modi University of NAutanki). The humongous body of work including television documentaries that he piled up in a short period of time deserves appreciation. Didn’t they make a movie titled “Crocodile Dandi March” with him in the lead? Maybe I’m wrong.

Food – now, this is serious stuff unlike the above drivel. Mallus in Frankfurt were in the news recently protesting against North Indians who prevented them from serving beef. I think mallus are being duplicitous in this matter. These are people who are self-censoring beef and pork out of their menus in resorts up and down the mallu coast to suck up to North Indian tourists. My school reunion was at a resort  in Kumarakom, Kerala that boasted a 150-metre long pool. A typical backwater resort, but not worth the hole they burn in your pocket. They served roti, daal, Chicken Kolhapuri and such stuff! It's preposterous! Forget Frankfurt, you don’t get no beef, no parotta, no kappa, no nothing even in the supposedly free southwestern tip of Faratham nowadays.

Nor is there pork anywhere. Domino’s Pizza used to have pork salami in their menu. That mysteriously disappeared some time ago. I wrote an e-mail to them, but never got a reply. Domino's probably wanted to suck up to a certain community, as they say in the news (or, Muslims, as they are commonly called). Anyway, I’m back in Japan, where a cup of instant noodle contains everything from pork, chicken and beef to things you don’t even want to imagine (Oooh, that image #$%&…..forgive me, my ancestral rishi!) disodium guanylate and autolyzed torula yeast, whatever they are. Bon Appetit.

OMG! Facts

Smartphone, WhatsApp, Facebook – I succeeded in staying away from these for a long time. Then, one day I surrendered (Year-end Ruminations 2014), first to the smartphone, then gradually to Whatsapp and finally to Facebook. It all happened only about a year ago. Nowadays I get up and the first thing I do is check the phone, which also serves as my alarm clock, send out good morning messages, and more often than not carry the phone to the potty.

And there you’re, straining, veins in your neck taut, smartphone in hand and you see the WhatsApp message

 

“The Sinister and Nefarious Design of Breaking India Exposed. Must Read Indians”

 

So, as a passport-holding loyal Indian, I immediately relax my various muscles and read the message. There is so much of scary things in that message, you almost shit in your pants, i.e. if you were wearing one. Luckily, I wasn’t. So it didn’t matter.

I am paraphrasing below in italics some of the contents that my bullshit sensor picked up randomly from the message.

 

GOI intelligence has investigated #award wapsi and primary reports suggest US-Saudi-Pak are involved

Ford foundation and Greenpeace hired international PR firm and millions were invested

The writers, poets, Narayana Murthy, Raghuram Rajan, film makers…they all use one word which is common in every statement.. "intolerant". How is it possible?

US is worried its people are driving toward Hinduism & Vatican is worried about Christian future

So expose media, seculars, etc., with facts.

You’re the frontline of defence for MODI. He has got the toughest job in the world.

 

Wow, those award wapsi guys are really the scum of this world, aren’t they? Involvement of Pakistan, no surprises there. But USA and Saudi! How could they do this to us? Anyway, I’m not overly worried, because our broad-chested leader will surely retaliate against these loathsome countries trying to destabilize us. Some sanctions on USA would be nice. Those guys keep imposing sanctions on everyone at the drop of a hat.

International PR firm? I hope it is not APCO, which is known for such shenanigans (got Gujarat vibrating, got Maggi back on shelves!).

Narayan Murthy et al. using that same word “intolerant”. Hmm, reminded me of that saying, “if it looks like shit, smells like shit, and feels like shit, you don’t have to actually eat it to know it is shit.”

US people driving toward Hinduism? Must be driving one of those Ford gas guzzlers provided by the Ford Foundation, without doubt.

Vatican is worried about Christian future? They better be. How long can you sustain such stories? Even Pope Frank says you should study evolution.

So, expose seculars, etc. with “FACTS”. Facts such as the above ones provided by GOI Intelligence, I am guessing, since I don’t have any facts with me.

 

As a first line of defence, I deleted that message.

But, before you could say Jack Robinson the next message hits me.

 

This message compares two religions. Its contents are given below in italics with my thoughts upon reading it after the “>>”.

 

Until today no one has told you the truth that ???

>> No...what?

There are 3 lakh mosques in India.
No other country in the world has these many mosques.

>>OK. Is there a problem with that? Last time I checked there were no restrictions on the number of religious buildings you can have in this country. (That is a lie. I never checked. I just guessed, again. Sorry.)

There are only 24 Churches in Washington.

71 Churches in London.

There are 68 Churches in the city of Milan in Italy.

While in Delhi alone there are 271 churches.

>> At least google before posting "truths". Still, what is the point here? Fewer Americans/Brits/Italians are believing in imaginary beings?

And you call a Hindu communal.

>>No, when did I do that? There are some communal, bigoted Hindus, Muslims, Christians, Jews and even Buddhists. If you are not one, why worry?

Further I have not come across an Indian Muslim opposing ISIS.

>>Again, a li'l googling would've saved some embarrassment.
http://m.deccanherald.com/content/500214/us-welcomes-indian-muslim-clerics.html/

But we have millions of Hindus who are opposing views of RSS.

>>Quite true. The RSS is a good organization doing lot of good voluntary work, but some of the ideas are retrograde and not in tune with the modern, secular ethos of this nation. And the sartorial abomination of corpulent men in khaki knickers! (I heard they are considering a wardrobe overhaul. Good for them.)  

I have not seen any Muslim holding party on Holi or Diwali festivals for Hindus, but have seen Hindus holding iftar for Muslims during Ramadan.

>>Have no idea. Some of my Muslim friends drink liquor, eat pork and do lot of un-Islamic thingies. I celebrate everything as long as good food is involved even though I don’t belong to any religion.

I saw Indian flags being burnt in Kashmir by Indian Muslims.
But never saw an Indian Muslim burning a Pakistan flag.

>> It's not as easy as it seems, is it? This Kashmir issue.

I have seen Hindus wearing topis and visiting Mazars.
But I have neither seen nor heard an Indian Muslim applying tilak on his forehead and visiting temples.

>>You have 33 crore gods. One more wouldn't make a difference. My sister has a Jesus figure besides Krishna and other Hindu gods. I'm sure she would have had a Muslim figure too if there was one. Even the Marxists have inducted Jesus and the crescent, etc. into their acceptable list.
Anyway, I know a guy called James (not exactly a Muslim, I agree) who visits temples regularly. He told that after reading your message.

This is called Hindu tolerance and respect for other religious community.

>>Thank you for being magnanimous.

You guys respect each other's superstitions, but believe in only your own. No problem with that as long as you don't kill each other. In that sense, Islam does have a problem and they have to tackle it. In terms of tolerance, I'd rate Christianity as the most tolerant one out there right now. But then they (rather, the whites, who happened to be Christians) screwed up the whole world, destroying cultures, converting and colonising people starting 500 years ago. Job done. Now they can afford to be tolerant.

It's my humble request to share this message with your friends & near and dear.

>> Sure. Will do, but do some basic googling before posting emotional diarrhoea.
The typical convoluted logic behind your post is that, "hey, we Hindus are letting you guys stay here. Be grateful". That condescending tone is what scares people.

In the meantime, though the church figures you cited above for Washington, etc. are wrong, church attendance in general is dropping in most of the developed world. People have seen through these fairy tales and the number of non-religious people is increasing. So, slow down with that emotion. Sit back. Think!

 

P.S. I was not planning on any ranting, but the deluge of scientific and other "facts" was too much to ignore. This is a modified version of my WhatsApp response. In the midst of writing this, I received some facts about the Rama Setu (the “bridge” between India and Sri Lanka), a few of which I would like to share with you.

It was built by 10 million vanaras (apes) in just 5 days. It is 1.7 million years old and built with stones that started floating after the architects Nala & Neel touched it. It is mentioned in the Ramayana. You got your proof right there. Many geologists say it was a natural process, but you know, they failed to provide concrete proof. There are other proofs that it is man-made (man-made? what about the 10 million vanaras?). Of course, NASA makes an appearance, without even them knowing it. Then, within the space of 2 minutes into the video the Rama Setu becomes younger by 0.5 million years. It now says the bridge was built 1.2 million years ago. You could walk across to Lanka till AD 1480, when it was destroyed by a cyclone. Built 1.7 million years ago! Wow! In some other part of the world, the Homo erectus had just appeared on the scene, and here we were, building enormous sea structures with the help of ape labour.

Could this be the science our children and grandchildren will end up learning in the future? I am almost tempted to believe in god and write OMG! (It’s scary – the spectre of black ink, death threats, cutting off of hands, etc. is not imaginary. Have to tone down even more.)